Winter's Blink
by chibimaritza
Summary: Three girls lose their best friend. They all seem lost for three years until they finally find each other again - and just when they do, something pops up from just around the corner to make things harder than they should be for them. Something that may be the last drop for all of them. (BRITTANA/FABERRY!)
1. Chapter 1

I took the bag out of the garage. Threw it over my back and looked back to see if anyone was there. It was empty. A cold breeze hit me, telling me to hurry up. The darkness was surrounding. I closed the garage door and locked the car. The neighborhood she was located in the lower class part of New York, as soon as I parked the car there I felt the dark clouds just pour rain over my head. It's amazing how much your surroundings can control the way you feel, your mood and thoughts. I made my way closer to the house with quick yet quiet steps. Soon, I was standing right before the rather small yellow painted house. I walked towards the door and knocked. Silence. I knocked again. She opened the door. The dark brown hair was tied up in a ponytail, the circles around her brown deep eyes were darker than ever before and her voice cracked at her first sentence.

"Is everything in here?" she said, looking into the bag I handed over to her.

"Every single one of them"

She looked up at me and squinted with her eyes. It was very obvious that she was ready to go to bed. She was wearing a big black t-shirt and pyjamas pants. I had never seen her in such dirty clothes.

"Alright," she started "how much?"

"Um-," I cleared my throat "it's okay.. I can let this one pass"

"_How - much?_" she intensly asked.

"For this time, 50 dollars, for the two last times 100.. so, 150 dollars" I looked at her face. She was shocked.

"150 dollars, seriously?" she looked disappointed.

"Yeah," I said "look, Santana, it's okay.. I'll take it when you can pay me"

"I'll never have that much money to spend on this, I can't take it" she said and handed me the bag. "Take it, go" the sharp voice cracked again.

"Hey, wait," I stopped her before going back in "take it. It's a gift from me. And the money, it's okay. Forget about it, it's on me. My treat"

"No, no. I can't accept that" she said.

I put the bag in her hands and her face was beyond surprised. For a moment I thought she had tears in her eyes, I didn't look long enough to notice.

"Merry Christmas, Santana" I said and gave her a smile. I receieved a warm one back. 

The hours flew by and before I knew it I was sitting at the rooftop, watching the city turn to families, drunks and Santa Claus balloons all over. I was thinking about her. Santana. How she was doing after I left.. I knew she was in desperate need of the drugs. She was depressed, and the antidepressants were her only way to feeling natural. And me - I could get them from a friend of mine who had a mother who was a psychologists/doctor. He used to steal from her and then we sold them as a team to gather more money. Not my proudest achievement, no.  
>As a person who had known Santana since high school - I knew she was unstable, a very depressed girl. Somehow, whenever I met her - which wasn't very often - I became easily atrabilious. It was the mood you got when you were around her, especially ever since the incident. <p>

Christmas night - me and my family were just seated around the kitchen table - sharing old stories and laughing about them. My grandmother flew in from Dallas as well. She hated the city, she said all the time. Little did she know the city disliked her as much as she disliked it. It was pretty funny, the looks she got on the streets. It was as if the people around her _knew s_he hated all of them.

"Quinn, will you pass me the butter, love?" mother smiled at me from across the table.

"Of course" I smiled.

"Where were you earlier, Tammy (Queenie)?" my mother asked.

"At a friends house"

"Rachel?"

"No, mother" I kept eating.

"Who then? That pretty blonde one?"

"She's not _that _pretty, damn it" I jeered. My mother liked Brittany, my high school friend as well, a bit too much. "I was not with Brittany. It was Santana, the prettier dark haired one" I said on purpose with my lips curved into a smile.

"Oh, you know I don't care too much for her.. She seems like a bad influence"

"Don't they all?"

"Well Marl- (Britt-)"

"Please" I looked at my mother and watched her lower her head, looking down at her plate and finally understanding that I didn't want to speak about Brittany.

Dinner went on normally after that. The stories kept coming, my cousin Jude was talking about her perfect boyfriend, my grandmother and grandfather were praising her. My parents were involved in their conversation. I tried to be a part of it but I just kept throwing chicken pieces to our dog Bitsy who was standing right beside me, waving her little tail. It was sad when I watched them all, caught up in the moment – not knowing how much they'll regret all the hate in their hearts one day. And I say this becuase I can see it through their eyes, I'm family, I have a bit of it kept inside me – hidden. The happiest, truest and most loyal person is, well it's not really a person, but Bitsy. The dog. She screams 'happy' and just being around her changes my mood as well. It's hard to believe but it's true.

After dinner, I went into my room. I sat down on my cold bed, picked up my diary, so to speak. I don't really like calling it a diary, it makes me feel childish. But it was just what it was. I flipped through the pages of the black coloured diary until I reached an empty page for me to fill. I had a pen ready beside me on the bed. However, something felt wrong. I couldn't write down what I felt and thought like I usually did. It was hard to even touch the page with the tip of the pen in my hand. I forced myself to it and wrote down nothing but the letter 'I', I gave up. I dropped the pen on the nightstand and closed the diary. I leaned back at my pillow and stared up at the cieling – closed my eyes and pretended to be somewhere else. With her.


	2. READ THIS Important about the story!

Hey guys!

You know about they Tammy and Marley things in the first chapter! Sorry about that.

This is a original story I wrote about those characters that I'm turning it into a fanfiction here!

It won't appear on any of the coming chapters!

Sorry about it, if it bothered you.


	3. Santana

I put my hands around the hot cup of tea. Looking out, watching the snow fall nicely – every snowflake perfectly falling on the cold ground. People were passing in a rush, bags in their hands and frowned faces. All as if Christmas wasn't just one week ago and everyone was happy, everything was flawless. No, now back to reality. For most people. I took a sip of the hot drink and looked at the clock. She should be here any minute.

_Let it go! You know she wanted it to happen. No one fucking pushed her into this, stop! Santana. Santana, please. Get back here, this won't make any of this less painful. I beg you, please. Come back here, now!_

The hard pouring rain didn't make the situation better in any way. Senior year of High School, the first term. Santana and Brittany had been together ever since sophmore year. Honestly, I was jealous of them. They had the perfect relationship, I can't lie. They were true to each other and loyal, sweet. It seemed like their romance actually never died. Honestly. They were amazing together. But then, the incident. The big deal, the thing that ruined it for not only Santana, no, it messed all of her friends up. Including me. However, I learned to grow from it. I mean, we were soon to be 18 when it all happened. I was less than a month away.

It's been three years, yet my mother keeps talking about her, thinking she's still a part of our little gang. Well, not much of a gang, not any longer. Back to the topic, Santana is still hooked on the whole Brittany thing. She won't let go. She hadn't and I'm afraid she never will. I let her be for some months, only met her to give her the pills and get cash for it. Although I still planned on giving her pills, after waking up yesterday – I decided to really help her.

_Let me go, Q. You're both fucking idiots!_

I shook the scene out of my head. Looked up and there she was.

"Santana, didn't see you there" I smiled at her.

"I noticed," she sat down in front of me, looking around for a waitress "what's up?" she looked back at me.

"Just wanted to meet up, catch up.. You know" I said. It was no lie, either.

"Okay?" she said with a bit of an attitude in her voice.

"Is that wrong?"

"Not wrong, no" the dry lips formed a smile. "Weird. It's weird"

"Weird, yes.." I agreed and chuckled. "How are you, Santana?"

She looked around for a waitress again. As soon as she caught the attention of one she snapped her fingers and she was on her way to us. The blonde waitress looked sorry as soon as she saw Santana. Almost like she knew she kept her waiting for more than one minutes.

"I'll have a tea, thank you" she said.

"Of course. Anything else, something on the side?" she asked.

"No" Santana plainly said. Her face looking back at mine. "I'm doing fine, Quinn. I manage to get through the days, that's what matters. Isn't it?" she answered to my previous question.

"I guess" I took another sip. "Are you still on the pills? Still need them?"

"Yes. I'm trying, or like, I've been cutting off a bit.. I'm trying really hard. I really am"

I didn't respond. I gave her a smile, a shy one to be quite honest. I had no idea how to be.. Comforting? I just sat there, looking at her. At what she'd become. Her hair was in a bun, she was wearing a pair of outworn jeans and the same jacket she'd had since I first got to know her. No make up on, nothing but a little mascara if I wasn't mistaken.

"How's your family?" I asked to break the silence I created.

"Good. Mom's working again. Finally, after two years.."

"Really? I'm so happy to hear that" I said. I truly was happy.

"Yeah, things do get better, I guess. She's been working for a month now. Assisent for some old witch," she said "at least she gets paid"

"How about your dad?"

"He's still looking for a job. He got an interview at some office, him too. Went there yesterday so we're waiting for them to call him back"

"And.. You? How are you, _really?_"

"I told you, I get through the days" she smiled. Looked like she had tears in her eyes but I couldn't tell, I could never really tell with Santana.

"Look, I know we haven't really been _friends, _at least not like before, for like what.. Three years now?," I said "but that doesn't mean we can't re-create our lost friendship.. I know things started going to hell after what Brittany did to herself.. But, I mean.. You and me, and Rachel too.. We can still be friends"

"Friends? You think that'll work.. Really, Quinn?" she was being very plain. A bit sarcastic, I think.

"Yes.." I answered.

"How about after I tell you this – everytime I see you, or Rachel – even now, all I can think about is Brittany. I see her face. I see what we had. Why? Because you were both a part of us, you know, friend-wise"

"It's been three years, San"

"San, huh" she let out puff of air. Like it annoyed her.

"Why are you being so negative? I just want to help you, get better.. Let me?"

"Where is this all coming from anyway? Just one week ago I was your christmas charity work" Santana looked out the window now, her hands around the cup just the way I had mine.

"Stop, I'm trying to help. I really want to. Locking yourself in won't help"

"How will this help?" she asked.

"I'll.. um, well. I'll help you look for a job? How about we start with that? I'll help you just by, you know, being here for you? Being a friend"

"I don't know.. I just have a lot to deal with right now"

"Oh, come on. Like what?" I jeered. "You're just trying to find a way to say no. Don't do it. I know it's hard.. You don't want to let go, I guess. But you have to, she's not coming back. She never will, really. Both you and I know that, there's nothing we can do"


	4. Letter

_Hey!  
>Before throwing this letter away just by seeing my name.. Please wait. Give me a chance, let me explain a couple of things. I feel like I need to, or like, I owe it to you. You out of all people. I know that me leaving like that was hard for you, San... (Can I still call you that?) I don't know but I'll still do it.<br>I know how much you went through,or I can't say I know.. I can imagine. But please, don't stop reading.  
>I left because I had nothing else to do. School was going like hell! All F's, seriously, what would I become with straight F's? A high school graduant who works at McDonald's for the rest of her life.. I don't think so. Honestly. It had been like that for such a long time.. Even when I tried to study it didn't work. IT just didn't work out. You know that, you tried to help me several times. I sucked at school, San. And then the.. you know, the feelings I had. They got me depressed, pressed me down. You know that incident? I honestly, honestly.. I wouldn't even be alive and breathing if you hadn't found me! So yeah, I'm sorry. Yet again. Sorry.<em>

_I had a friend who was in the same business, you know. She took me with her once and informed me about how much she actually makes and San.. IT'S AMAZING! I'm making more money than ever. I can finally buy all the things I never could before. I'm finally at a stable place in my life (economically) I mean.. I love dancing, so in some ways, I'm only following my dreams? Or, I like to think of it that way.. You know, to feel better about myself. I know that this "dancing" thing isn't the only thing I'm doing. And I bet you've heard about it as well. But look, I'm happy. I hope that matters. I hope the fact that I'm happy matters to you.  
>Aaaanyway.. I can't tell you where I am. I wouldn't want to risk it! (you might come look after me). I wouldn't want that. I really wouldn't want that to happen..! However, as I said.. I'm sorry.<em>

_How're you though (well I'm going to answer this in my own head "I'm fine, Brittany. I'm absolutely great!" because you can't answer this since I'm not giving you any address... Well, I'm doing great too. I'm fine. So please, stop worrying about me (if you are, but I suppose you are because I'm pretty lonely right now)!  
>I've been looking for someone to help me get to the top. Been doing so for quite a while.<br>Just wanted to catch up. I know, I know, it's stupid. I mean, we haven't spoken ever since what.. High School? Awful. Awful, and I know. I blame myself.. I'm deeply sorry for just leaving like that. As an end to this letter I just want you to know that I miss you. I miss you and Quinn, and Rachel. I miss you guys a lot! Thinkin' about you every single day. Maybe not Quinn and Rachel everyday, but you, yes. You know that right? I miss you, I miss you, I miss you! And I would come back if I could. But that won't happen. Ever, it can't happen. You know my parents and siblings are still very angry. I can imagine how much they hate me! Well.. I can't do anything about it. I needed to run away. And look, it was for a good cause. It took me to the top! I can almost call myself a star._

_I Love You._

_/ Brittany_

I looked up at Santana after I finished reading the letter she had gotten from Brittany. She looked more pissed off than sad, honestly. She looked so angry – her eyes wattery, her skin turned red and her hands were shaky. She couldn't even look straight into my eyes without blinking as if she had something in her eye that irritated her. If you ask me, the letter was heartless. Purely heartless. A mess. A fucking joke. After three years of absolutely nothing from her, she sends Santana a damn letter? A letter. I was getting heated up as well.

"This right here, this is bullshit" I said and dropped the letter on her kitchen table.

"Tell me about it!" her voice was louder than her normal tone. "You know, I can't believe this shit! I can't even look at it. Put it away, seriously!" she was getting more and more unstable.

"Santana, calm down, look.. Remember that none of this is your fault. Leave it, don't think about it.. Let's burn it!" I suggested.

"Burn it?" she let out a sarcastic laugh. "You think burning it will make me stop thinking about it," she sat down "I'll just be re-reading it in my own mind"

"San.." I said and sat down beside her. She didn't respond to me.

It had been four months since we met at that coffee shop and caught up, talked and became friends again. I didn't know how to properly comfort her, it was very hard for me becuase for Santana, it was just like losing someone to death. What she was feeling at the moment was like someone she _used _to love, came back into her life directly from heaven. Or hell. No one ever knows.

"You deserve to be happy, you know" I said. No answer. "I know it might seem like you never will be again, but you will be. And I'll help you get there, is that okay?"

"I guess," she took a deep breath "I guess it's okay, Quinn"

"Good. Now let's set that fucking letter on fire!" I had a overly hyped tone in my voice just to maybe change her mood.

"Right, let's do it" she stood up and walked out to the backyard. Santana took out a lighter from her pocket and set the letter on fire. No hesitation, she held it up and lit it up and we both stood and watched it burn into flames.

"How does it feel?"

"I feel just like that piece of paper; heated and slowly fading away"


End file.
